Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Dissimilitude...

Many small things, despite being unimportant, can not to be ignored just like that.
For example, the squirrel family living on the tree near Vinod's tea stall is one of them. No significance, but some how every time I am at the tea stall sipping at a cup of tea, I can not but notice them. When my colleagues discuss or debate on their daily affairs during tea, I observe the restless movements of the squirrel family. They are always in hurry somehow.
"Why do you bring chocolates for me every time you come?"
"Because you love them and I love you!"
"How much you love me?"
"A lot!"
"Will you marry me?"It was time for me to be spell bounded.
You never expect a question (!) like this from a five year old.
"No!"
"Why? But you said you love me! Papa said he married mama because he loved her"
"Of course I love you. But every one who loves does not marry." (A simple fact, I have failed to persuade myself to accept).
It seemed she was convinced by the answer. So she gave up the topic and started munching a byte of the chocolate ...(in a short while there will be chocolate all over her face!)
At office suddenly you notice the battery of your cell phone going low like anything. You are horrified that you have forgotten to bring the charger with you. After searching for half an hour you come to one of your colleagues who have a charger of the same brand (the only one in the whole damn office!). You breadth easy. But when you try to put the cell for charging, you find either your cell or the charger is of an older make and they are just not compatible...there were, there are and there will be so many situations like this when you will get a test of the i-factor (incompatibility factor!)...you scream and shout (if you have that option) or else...but no respite
Mr squirrel was pulling a piece of cloth up above the trunk of the tree. If you scan the branches of the tree, you will find many pieces of cloths they have already collected...what will they do with these? I knew, no one had the answer to the question...so to tame my inquisitive mind I started drawing pictures of the squirrel family, all in the cloths they have collected...the day is not far when the family will parade in their newly acquired cloths...Mr squirrel will ask, "hey, how are we looking? Good na!"...I will not say anything, just smile to say "yes"
"How do you relate all these things?"
Yes they are not apparently related except that these simply represents the love hate relation we have with our lives...at least that's so for me!

Posted by this is me at 3:59 AM | | Comments

Sunday, October 08, 2006

I was an average player of chess. However at times, when I played with full concentration, I succeeded in giving my opponent hard time defending my moves. But slowly I developed hatred against the game. Now it's been years, I have not played chess.

But suddenly I realized, despite my repulsion for the game, I have been an active player in another form. You and I name it life...

Yes, there are certain differences. Pieces here are not only in black and white (often it becomes difficult ignoring the grey). It's not necessary that you are playing against someone else (in fact, most of the time I realised playing against myself). Most of the times you will find the pieces revolting against you, against the moves you choose to make...Yes, you can choose not to make a move. But that too will be counted as a strategic move. And no matter you win or loose, you are destined to be the looser...

PS. I was just to conclude with the negative note when I heard the message alert tone of the cellphone. A new message from Shobha.

"Life's like a cup of tea. You sit by the window, lift the cup and take a careless sip, only to realise, somebu\ody forgot to ad sugar. Too lazy to go for it, you somehow struggle through the sugarless tea till you discover sugar crystals lying at the bottom. That's life! Shaken but not stirred. Let's stir it often and enjoy its sweetness!"

Just enough to buffer my sacrasm regarding life...

Posted by this is me at 10:55 PM | | Comments

Saturday, October 07, 2006

The Missing Pieces...

That was the time when load shading, power cuts were rare and we children in the family used to wait for the moment there's a power cut. Use of inverters and generators were not a common thing then. So whenever there's a power cut, the whole family would gather in the verandah.
Laying down on cool cane mattress spread under the open sky we used to count stars (!), draw out constellations and listen to stories told by grand maa or papa. And eventually fell asleep in the process...

In one such evening we were surprised to discover a star that was continuously moving fast from the southern sky and vanished in the northern horizon, within a span of twenty minutes. That remained one of the greatest wonders of the universe until one day I read about artificial satellites in the science book. After the enlightenment, we never felt as excited about finding another 'fast moving star'. (Knowledge kills the charm!)

In another such evening, papa told us the story of the circle that lost a piece of it and was sad. "The circle roamed all over the earth started searching for a piece that will fit into its missing portion. It talked to each and everything that it came across, rested under the cool shadow of the trees and doused the thirst by drinking fresh and cool stream waters. All the time, it missed the lost piece.

But even after searching through 3/4 th of the globe, it failed to find a piece that will make it full circle. The disgusted circle was to give up its hopes when all of a sudden it stumbled on a piece of circle that was a perfect match with the piece it has lost. Circle did no effort to hide its happiness, fitted it on the broken portion and started rolling fast like before.

After a few rolls, it realised to its dismay that his world around has lost its colours after it became a full circle. As it rolls fast now, it has no time to smile at the flowers, to watch the awesome colours of the butterflies and to tell them how beautiful they are. The only colour the universe has is white. The circle stopped for a while, dismantled the new piece it has attached, threw it away and started rolling slowly again. No need to mention it talked to everything on the way...colours of the rainbow was restored..."

I am still not sure what intention papa had because it made no sense to the others amongst us as they were too immature to feel the excitement, bliss the story gave me.

And now I am living with so many pieces missing...
to be continued...

Posted by this is me at 5:08 AM | | Comments

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Gratitude...

I can still hear
the beats of my heart...
pounding

Small little efforts
to dig me out of the shell

those words
of simple warmth

So far
yet so close...




Mind, I can't think of a better way to thank you for being what you are...

Posted by this is me at 9:48 PM | | Comments

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

As usual she was the first of my colleagues to wish me when I stepped into office.
"How are you doing?" I smiled at her with the usual greet and waited for a while to hear her answering in the usual way," I am fine, how about you?"

That does not happened today. She stared at me for a while before projecting her observation, "After a long time, you are looking calm today." I heard myself replying,"The mirror smiled at me today. I too smiled back." She looked at me with a queer look.

"It must be the way round. You must have smiled at the mirror and the mirror smiled back at you. And you know they say if you smile when you are alone, that means you are really happy." She stopped for a while to grasp her breath. "It’s really nice seeing you happy."

By the time I reached my workstation, I also realized some how I was happy. That's perhaps behind the fact that the roughness of the road did not irritate me today. The morning sun that used to be unusually hot usually was not that hot today.

In the flash of a moment came to my mind the sparrow that greeted me in the morning and I did not greet back. I was too engrossed in reaching office on time. I felt like rushing back home, say thanks to her and say sorry for the act that I ignored her. There was no way I can undo whatever happened. However I made up my mind not to miss these little things of happiness any more.

Posted by this is me at 10:58 PM | | Comments

Saturday, September 30, 2006

I watched with wide open eyes
words drying up

…now falling like leaves

Why every spring begets autumn?

It’s now difficult
even to imagine
once they were blood red
once they were throbbing with life…

Autumn pains...

Posted by this is me at 9:08 AM | | Comments

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Shinking ...

setting the western horizonon fire...

shedding its last quantum of rays

I can feel its efforts
to squeeze most out
from inside

once
for the last time...

who knows
there will be another tomorrow
or not

the vacuum inside
growing larger
and larger...

Posted by this is me at 6:49 AM | | Comments